If you are reading this, you are probably planning something you did not expect to be planning. We make these urns by hand, and we hear from families every week who have the same handful of questions and nobody straightforward to ask. This is our attempt to answer them properly, in order, so you can stop searching and get on with the part that matters.

What actually happens on the water

The urn is placed on the surface of the water rather than thrown. It floats for a short while, takes on water, and sinks gently out of sight. That floating moment is the point of it — it gives everyone on board a few seconds to watch, to say something, to let go at their own pace, instead of the abruptness of a scattering.

Be prepared for it to be brief. Our float times run from about thirty seconds to two minutes, and the large urn tends to float longer than the small one. Water temperature, chop and how the urn meets the surface all change it, so treat those numbers as a range and not a promise. If someone wants to say a few words, it is better said before the urn goes in the water than during.

A biodegradable urn is also what makes the release possible at all in many settings. A ceramic or metal urn does not belong in the water; the whole design here is that the urn goes with the ashes and breaks down afterwards.

Where you are allowed to do it

In United States ocean waters, this is governed by the EPA under the Marine Protection, Research and Sanctuaries Act. Two things are worth knowing before you book anything:

• Three nautical miles from land. The EPA's general permit allows cremated remains to be buried in ocean waters of any depth, provided the burial takes place at least three nautical miles from land.
• Report it within 30 days. The EPA asks to be notified within 30 days after the event, through its Burial at Sea reporting tool, to the EPA Region the vessel departed from. There is no permit to apply for in advance for cremated remains — the notification comes afterwards.

The EPA also notes that flowers and wreaths placed at the site should be made of materials that decompose readily in the marine environment, and that plastic or synthetic ones would not be expected to. You can read the rules in full on the EPA's Burial at Sea page.

Lakes, rivers and bays are a different matter. The EPA is explicit that scattering in inland waters is not covered by that federal rule, and that states may set their own requirements. If your release is happening on a lake or a river, or close in along a shoreline, the answer comes from that state — and often from whoever manages the specific water — not from the federal rule above. It is worth a phone call before the day rather than after.

If the burial is happening outside the US, none of the above applies and you will need your own country's guidance. We would rather tell you that than guess.

If it is happening on a cruise

A good number of our urns travel in a suitcase. If that is your plan, ask your cruise line directly, in writing, well before you sail. Policies differ from line to line and change over time, so we will not tell you what yours permits — but here is what to ask:

• Will they accommodate a release at all, and does it need to be arranged in advance or through guest services once aboard?
• Where on the ship, and at what point in the itinerary? This matters, because coastal passages, port approaches and inland waterways are not the same as open sea.
• Do they need to see the cremation certificate or the permit for disposition of cremated remains? Carry both, along with the urn, in your hand luggage.
• Can a crew member be present, or is it something you do quietly yourselves?

One practical note from families who have done it: ask about the ship's leeward side. Wind over a moving deck is stronger than you expect, and you want the urn going away from the hull.

Choosing a size

We make the flower urn in small, medium and large. The large is the one most families choose for a full set of adult ashes. The medium suits a child or a smaller portion. The small is often bought in numbers — several siblings, each releasing a share in different places, or one release at sea and the rest kept or buried.

If you are not sure which holds what you have, the capacity for each size is listed on its product page, and you are welcome to ask us. We would much rather answer a message than have you open the box on the morning of the service and find it is the wrong one. Our sizing page and how it works page cover the basics.

Preparing the urn before the day

Fill the urn at home, on a table, in a quiet room — not on a moving boat. The ashes usually arrive from the funeral home in a sealed plastic bag inside a temporary container, and transferring them is the part people find hardest. Give yourself time and privacy for it, and have a second person there if that helps.

Then set it somewhere safe and flat until the day. Keep it dry. If you are flying, pack it in your carry-on rather than checked baggage, with the cremation paperwork, and expect it to be screened.

The part nobody tells you

It is over quickly. Almost everyone says that afterwards. It helps to decide beforehand who holds the urn, who speaks, and who is watching — and to ask one person who is not immediate family to take a photograph, because nobody in the middle of it will think to. If more than one person wants to be involved, letting several hands lower the urn together works better than passing it along.

There is no correct way to do this and no script you are failing to follow. A short reading, a hymn, or nothing at all — all of it is fine.

Ordering ahead

Each urn is made by hand, so order with time in hand if the date is fixed — particularly if you are travelling to the release. If your timing is tight, tell us the date when you order and we will tell you honestly whether it can be done.

Our FAQ covers float times, materials and shipping in more detail. If your question is not answered anywhere on this site, write to us. We read every message ourselves.